Thursday, February 26, 2009

Turned on by Scent...this seems a little like highschool biology...

I have a friend who wears a musk cologne which, I admit, I find freakishly attractive. He's a pretty daaaarn good looking guy to begin with, and he dresses nice but when he wears that cologne I feel like I am completely drawn to him. I just want to bury my face in his neck and inhale for a few hours. It is an almost animal attraction which seems a bit disgusting if you think about it too much. Yesterday I was trying to take an exam when I caught the scent of someone (i think it was the guy next to me) wearing a similar musk and it literally made my mouth water.

Ten things which I find freakishly attractive in a male:

1. Not too tall. Taller than me (i am only 5'2") but no taller than six foot.

2. Nice clothes. I cannot stand the t-shirt/jeans combination. It does nothing for me. I think that the most attractive thing I have ever seen on a guy was when my friend wore a brown sweater over a purple, paisley button up (unbuttoned at the top) and dark blue skinny jeans. It was hott!!!!!

3. Nice arms. (drool) this includes the fact that they should not be too hairy. That's gross.

4. Well designed, well executed, artful, meaningful tattoos. These are the kind with a story and an artist behind them and oh my goodness....they win.

5. Intelligence--I like boys who are smarter than me. Which is rough because I am a smart girl. I am one of those nerds who like school and am persuing a doctorate degree. Yeah--finding guys is rough.

6. Guys who drink tea turn me on. Tea is frustratingly attractive.

7. Aviator sunglasses. Maybe it's because I wear them and I ROCK them that it drives me crazy when guys can do the same.

8. When they are fun to drive with. Moderately safe is usually appreciated. I like when his car smells good. I have one friend whose car always smells like peppermint Altoids. It is delicious. He also takes detours and talks with his hands while he drives. A diverse taste in music is also appreciated. I love hearing Flyleaf one minute and Jackson 5 the next. When a guy can keep me entertained and enjoying myself while he is driving, that is a MAJOR turn on.

9. Health conscious but not obsessive. I can deal with obsessive so long as he can deal with my french fry indulgences.

10. Freckles. These beautiful flecks of pigmentation are simply the sexiest thing I have ever seen. They instantly captivate me.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

If I Have to Behave, So Do You!

There is a girl in one of my writing classes who I simply cannot take seriously. She over analyzes simply things and does not think deeply enough about things that actually have meaning. She takes simile and metaphor absolutely seriously.

I was sitting in this particular class on Monday night, trying to stay occupied because it is a three hour class and I was sitting next to my prof. But you must know--I love my prof. This girl, though, made a comment about one of the things which we have read and she had taken a metaphor absolutely seriously. The ridiculousness of her statement caused me to cover my face with my textbook so that she wouldn't see that I was laughing hysterically. My prof hit me on the knee with the back of her hand and tried to stifle a smile, scribbling a note to me on the corner of her notes. Danny, if I have to behave, so do you.

I asked my roommate the other day how many of our profs she thought had tattoos. Neither of us know of any for sure but seriously--there must be some. I have a wager on that my perfectly fabulous Monday night writing prof has a tramp stamp and that the dean of women has a rose on her ankle.

I found out a few years back that my pastor actually has a Mickey Mouse on his ankle. Interesting. People continuously surprise me.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Ben and Jerry's

My friend brought me a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream the other day. It was the most inspiring ice cream ever. It was called Whirled Peace and had chocolate peace signs in it. It was delicious.

I had a dream that my friend Melissa came to visit me and I got my extra bed out and made up real nice and just after she came my sister popped in to stay the night too with her entire softball team. I wound up staying in my tiny dorm room with fifteen other girls plus my roomies. It only needed soul suckers, or someone peeling away pieces of my flesh, or gremlins to make it into a nightmare.

10 unfortunate things that have happened in the last six days

1. I screwed up my thumb while sledding.
2. I finished drawing my chrysalis for my tattoo--this would be great news except I do not have anything to draw on now.
3. My NTS professor decided to sing to us before class.
4. I was informed that dead bodies are as stiff as a 2x4.
5. I rescrewed my thumb while jumping down the stairs last night.
6. When I got dressed this morning I put on navy tights and black chucks. That turns me into an automatic fashion disaster.
7. My khaki pants are all dirty so I have to wear skirts for the rest of the week until I go home and do laundry.
8. Margarine.
9. My roommate put her bed on an incline.
10. She also stacked two desks on top of each other.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I was in the lounge.
I was trying to draw.
I made a joke that might have been a little bit about sex.
Everyone laughed.
I resumed drawing and making jokes.
More people came into the lounge.
They started to watch a movie.
They turned off the lights.
You cannot draw with the lights off.
It doesn't work.

I'm screwed.

10 things we could do to make The Lord of the Rings into a really great horror movie

1. Give the Nazgul the ability to fly and be able to suck the blood out of hobbits and elves.
2. Give Saruman a chainsaw and set him loose in Hobbiton.
3. Make up a character for the girl from Saw (Amanda?) and put her in Saruman's tower along with the reverse bear trap device.
4. Make the orcs all eat each other on screen.
5. Make all the dead people come out of the dead marshes and begin chasing Sam and Frodo around until they fall into some body of water and drown.
6. Gimli and Legolas should be in a constant state of cutting off pieces of each others' flesh
7. Some kind of soul sucking ghost should haunt Aragorn after the death of Gandalf.
8.Give Eowyn the ability to see spirits.
9. In the final movie the king of Gondor should try to dispose of his son (Faramir who is almost dead but not really) by putting his body through some kind of twisted torture machine. Gandalf could stop this by throwing the king into his own machine and saving Faramir.
10. Insert gremlins.

I'm still screwed.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Seven Dollars

Yesterday I found seven dollars in the pocket of my jeans.

Ten Things a College Student Can Do With Seven Dollars

1. Buy two medium vegetarian pizzas from Dominos using the double discount I get from being a college student and sending Laura (who works there) to pick them up.
2. Insert into tattoo jar and do not touch again until July.
3. One and a half loads of laundry.
4. Admission for the spring play on two nights.
5. Buy two medium caramel machiatto coffees at the campus cafe or two mint frappechinos at the Starbucks at the bottom of the hill.
6. Buy post-it notes and Bic Mark-it pens.
7. Garnier Fructis fiber gum putty and hair spray
8. Enough earrings to give all of the ones I have in a break for a while....maybe I could make all of my hoops match instead of having some silver, some gold and all different sizes.
9. Pay Brit back for gas from when she took me up to see E last week...hmm...
10. Dinner for myself at Panera Bread.

number one is out--I do not eat pizza after nine o'clock and that is the time my super discount starts.
number two is valid
number three is out--I hate the wash machines here.
number four is valid because I actually get free admission at least once so it might not even take my entire seven dollars.
number five is out--I'm trying not to drink coffee.
number six is out because I just bought new drawing pens so I cannot justify spending more money on markers.
number seven....I'll keep using Kate's
number eight is very valid. It irritates me to no end that my hoops do not match when I wear them.
number nine........that one's probably my best choice. She did do me a huge favor and drove me eight hours.
number ten is delicious.

What would you do with seven dollars?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Let's Play a Game and Talk About World Peace

I was reading some of my Kite's old blog posts and I know most of you don't read both of our blogs and whatnot but I just wanted to clarify that before Kite was piercing her own ears--I was teaching her how to do it. I just thought of that because I just took out all of my earrings and created a small mountain on my desk in front of me.

Alright--today we are going to play a game. The following is a list of news stories. Which ones are true, which ones are false.

1. Obama bumps his head.
2. Tolstoy's tomb found emptied by grave robbers.
3. Man, 47 marries girl, 8.
4. Low rainfall produces llama anxieties in Peru.
5. Plane crash victim follows light beam to safety.
6. Terrorists bomb San Fransisco sushi bar.
7. Whales a highlight of aquarium yoga class.
8. Low acid diet may prove effective in combatting cancer.
9. Fans serious about porn star for senate.
10. Blink 182 plans reunion.

Ok--quick write down your answers and get ready.

The odd numbers are all true....and the even ones are all false with one exception. Now we will discuss.

1. Obama bumps his head.
This sort of reminds me of a few years ago when George Bush choked on a pretzel during the superbowl and it made national news. That made me wonder how many hundreds of people in the world choke on pretzels on superbowl night, leading to how many pretzels Americans actually eat on superbowl night, leading to why the heck George Bush was eating pretzels in the first place when, as president, he probably could have been eating something much more interesting and something involving seven different kinds of cheese...unless--do you think that George Bush is lactose intolerant!??!?! And if George Bush is lactose intolerant what hasn't that made national news? If any American choked on a pretzel it would not be a headliner, it would be boring. They could just publish a few pages of names of people who choked on pretzels. It should definately be headlined that George Bush is lactose intolerant. .......I think that I should also bring into consideration that the bumping of Obama's head might reduce his abilities to be president. We can blame anything bad on his head injury.

2. Tolstoy's tomb found emptied by grave robbers.
I made this one up...but I do believe that it would be a most thrilling hypothetical situation.

3. Man, 47 marries girl, 8.
Yeah--this is real. I watched the video on CNN. You can watch it too if you really want but I'll sum it up here. THIS IS DISGUSTING! My SISTER is eight and--UGH!--I can't even think about it. This girl was given in marriage in order to pay off her father's debt. Some cases of arranged marriage I'm ok with. In some places kids get married at thirteen or fifteen or whatever but then they continue to be nurtured by a family and usually there is not a forty year age gap between them. This is just SICK! What sort of pervert would want to marry an eight year old? She's just a little girl, probably scared out of her mind. And, while he had to sign a thing that said he wouldn't have sex with her until she hits puberty--she is still not being nurtured and brought up by a mom and dad and she's tied for life to this creepy old man and who knows what he's going to do to her! This really grosses me out. Our world's got issues.

4. Low rainfall produces llama anxieties in Peru.
I was a little bit fond of this one...partially because I love llamas, and partially because I love Peru. Peruvian food is actually really good.

5. Plane crash victims follow light beam to safety.
I didn't actually read this one, I just thought it sounded funny so I stole the headline. I did find it interesting that i can't seem to spell the word safety. I forget the e 96% of the time.

6. Terrorists bomb San Fransisco sushi bar.
I made this one up. What a waste it would have been. Good sushi should not be wasted.

7. Whales a highlight of aquarium yoga class.
This inspired pictures of humpbacks, blues, and great whites all humming together in harmony while they flexed and stretched to the essence of sea breeze and the sounds of wind and waves. I love it.

8. Low acid diet may prove effective in combatting cancer.
This should be news. It's true. My friend's dad did not do chemo, he just sticks to a very strict low acid diet and his cancer is in complete remission. Something to do with how cancer can only survive with enough acid in your system....a lot of times there are better ways to do things than treating your body with harsh chemicals.

9. Fans serious about porn star for senate.
And they wonder why I have issues respecting people. I do not want a senator who has been in front of a camera naked. I want a senator with integrity, modesty, and dignity. This disgusts me about society. UGH!

10. Blink 182 plans reunion.

The time has come my friends, I DID NOT MAKE THIS ONE UP!!!!!! Is that not the most deliciously fantastic news you have ever heard? I LOVE it! LOVE it!

So....the former president is lactose intolerant, grave robbers are getting desperate, lots of people are perverted, Peruvian food is delicious, safety has an e in it, good sushi is too often wasted, I am not wasted, yoga and sealife are invigorating, cancer is taking over the world, people have poor judgment and little dignity, and society is screwed up.....BUT BLINK 182 IS REUNING!!!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

My Freakin' Roommate...

I am not an emotional person.


My roommate is....let me put it this way--I do not have to worry about the lack of television at college because I get a really great soap opera in my room 24/7. It is a beautiful thing. People come up to me all the time and say things like, "How do you do it?" and "Are you losing your sanity yet?". I simply laugh at them because quite frankly--I LOVE IT. She makes me laugh because she is just like a cartoon character or something.

Ten things about my roommate
1. She has a crush on every boy.
2. She sleeps about once a semester when she mentally crashes and doesn't wake up for four days.
3. She truly believes that she is everyone's angel of mercy and wisdom.
4. She wants to get married more than anything in the world.
5. She has not managed to secure herself a boyfriend even though she is pretty desperate.
6. She showers daily but has only washed her sheets once this year...and right now they are not even on her bed...what the heck did she do with them?
7. She forgets about things like WEST CIV EXAM TOMORROW!
8. She has a job in admissions calling poor, helpless high school students and telling them that they should come to our college. It is the perfect job for her. She gets to sit in a room with a boy, talking on the phone and harassing people who she doesn't know.
9. She is in college and I am pretty much positive that she still needs a mommy. Her parents send her freaking money all the time. I have to remind her to pick up after herself. She thinks that the cafeteria food is delicious.
10. She will laugh at anything.

She is probably the most sanguine person I have ever met in my life. It is hilarious.

Recently I left school for a week and a half quite suddenly (hence--my lengthy internet absence) we had a family tragedy and I had to be there for my beloved cousin. While I was gone, I kept in touch with everyone via telephone. I called up one of my friends one evening after I had been gone for about five days:

Me: Hey! E, how are you? What's up at school?
E:'re not missing much. Our Monday night class was ridiculously long yesterday. We went over the time by like 12 minutes. Oh...and your roommate's a mess. Like you should see your room, you cannot even see the floor...and she starts crying whenever someone says your name.

I laughed for a while....and prayed fervently that my floor would be visible by the time I get back. I might be an artist, but I hate extreme mess. I figured a few days later that it might be a good idea to call up the roomie and see if she was thinking of doing any cleaning in the near future:

Me: Hey!
Roomie: (bursts into tears)
Me: alright?
Roomie: (sobs) Yes (sob) it's just (sob) so good (sob) to hear your voice!
Me: OooK...How are you?
Roomie: It's terrible here without you, Danny. (sob....choke....sob) I've been waking up late. (sob) And I never know what to wear. (SOB)

Remember that point I made about her needing a mommy....I think that somehow I became the mommy and didn't realize it....and my child is actually older than me.

My question would be--"What the heck is she going to DO without me next year?"