My Freakin' Roommate...

I am not an emotional person.

REALLY

My roommate is....let me put it this way--I do not have to worry about the lack of television at college because I get a really great soap opera in my room 24/7. It is a beautiful thing. People come up to me all the time and say things like, "How do you do it?" and "Are you losing your sanity yet?". I simply laugh at them because quite frankly--I LOVE IT. She makes me laugh because she is just like a cartoon character or something.

Ten things about my roommate
1. She has a crush on every boy.
2. She sleeps about once a semester when she mentally crashes and doesn't wake up for four days.
3. She truly believes that she is everyone's angel of mercy and wisdom.
4. She wants to get married more than anything in the world.
5. She has not managed to secure herself a boyfriend even though she is pretty desperate.
6. She showers daily but has only washed her sheets once this year...and right now they are not even on her bed...what the heck did she do with them?
7. She forgets about things like WEST CIV EXAM TOMORROW!
8. She has a job in admissions calling poor, helpless high school students and telling them that they should come to our college. It is the perfect job for her. She gets to sit in a room with a boy, talking on the phone and harassing people who she doesn't know.
9. She is in college and I am pretty much positive that she still needs a mommy. Her parents send her freaking money all the time. I have to remind her to pick up after herself. She thinks that the cafeteria food is delicious.
10. She will laugh at anything.

She is probably the most sanguine person I have ever met in my life. It is hilarious.

Recently I left school for a week and a half quite suddenly (hence--my lengthy internet absence) we had a family tragedy and I had to be there for my beloved cousin. While I was gone, I kept in touch with everyone via telephone. I called up one of my friends one evening after I had been gone for about five days:

Me: Hey! E, how are you? What's up at school?
E: Dang...you're not missing much. Our Monday night class was ridiculously long yesterday. We went over the time by like 12 minutes. Oh...and your roommate's a mess. Like you should see your room, you cannot even see the floor...and she starts crying whenever someone says your name.

I laughed for a while....and prayed fervently that my floor would be visible by the time I get back. I might be an artist, but I hate extreme mess. I figured a few days later that it might be a good idea to call up the roomie and see if she was thinking of doing any cleaning in the near future:

Me: Hey!
Roomie: (bursts into tears)
Me: Whoah...you alright?
Roomie: (sobs) Yes (sob) it's just (sob) so good (sob) to hear your voice!
Me: OooK...How are you?
Roomie: It's terrible here without you, Danny. (sob....choke....sob) I've been waking up late. (sob) And I never know what to wear. (SOB)

Remember that point I made about her needing a mommy....I think that somehow I became the mommy and didn't realize it....and my child is actually older than me.

My question would be--"What the heck is she going to DO without me next year?"